I have to write this down. I need help to overcome.
Meeting her first for real after online where she contacted me … we both fell in love as in the most magical moment in time – we were and are always happy together since 18 month but.. she has a large family. I call her my woman! I come from a broken family and always stayed away from family due to my own experience as 11 years old which were bad. Since that time I rejected family BC what they did. I felt alone at that time and that is in the family of my woman as well. There is no warmth – no feeling – no asking how are you – when they phone her it seems, I am nonexistent- they never ask how is …..? She has a son who within 11 month was never interested who I am – dating his mother. I exploded! Never meet him after first time and never had talk with him. STRANGE!!!!! I was and felt rejected from all in this environment. My woman told me that her family gathers 4 times a year and in between there is not a lot of contact – even they all live close together! . I see the non verbal communication in this family and it’s not warm – the kind of heart feeling! Her own sister once sat beside me and she moved her chair for all visible as far as she could away from me. I am an average looking and good EDU guy – but something is going on in her family which I don’t grasp. Friend of mine told me that this is like that in a kind of Hispanic family – I am European. Iasked her she said no! I do not know if I go on a one way street to hell and should pull the brake and move on alone.
I explained my feelings verbally to my woman after 7 month and big after 12 month to her son – it was eating me up! And also later verbally and asked my woman why is that? And she never answered me – even after 7 month being together and telling me she loves me, but she was and will not stand up for me while I would anytime. She told me after 18 month that she did not want to say anything to her family BC she was afraid I leave her. She had mastectomy and I love her… And after endless discussion how I feel and she never answered she came finally to the idea that we can be together but her family will never change and it is with all others new in the family like that…And that she also will not talk to her son and that it is the best to stay away bc she only wants to be with me.. I don’t know… I feel that she gets all out of this relation and I get nothing. I am in hiding. I know I can’t change family and her son has ADD and had a bad childhood with an abusive father. That maybe explained why he stayed away from me?
I feel that this relation is going nowhere. And on the end I will be very alone. I LOVE HER!! I want a nice family I want to laugh with family have a good time with the person I am together with. I feel that I am more alone than ever in this relation. We will live separate lives and be together for us? What ever happen in her family I will be isolated – I asked her will that work??? Will that last??? She thinks yes. I have doubts! And go to Psycho to find answers. I would not do that If I don’t love her. This is the most distant family I ever have imagined and experienced. When at those gatherings, we talk about 30 people together, NOBODY ever asked me – How are you? All talk surface. There is something going on I don’t understand and my woman will never ask anybody, she does not like confrontation…
I am completely off my track! And don’t know what to think anymore!
Has somebody ever experienced that??
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