I’ve been in a relationship with a girl for almost 7 years. She’s 2 years older. When we got together, she had already had a 2yo daughter with her ex. I was 16 and thought I could handle the pressure. But a few years ago I started to think it’s not a relationship for me.
The child problem aside, even though it’s the main cause of my hesitation; We had lots of fights over both mundane and important topics, and they lasted for literally 6 years. They only ended recently bc she got jelous, I guess. But for the last 3 months of her jelousy, we became very good friends.
But in spite of this and of my great care for her, I still blame her in my head for the wasted opportunities in my life. We rarely go anywhere (1, maybe 2 times a year), we don’t have much time for each other since she (and anytime I visit her, I) needs to pay attention to her daughter. I know my hatred towards her is not well-justified, but it is in my head nonetheless – I wanna scream and call her names for the most stupid things.
Altough so many years have passed, I still dislike the child. I still view her as an intruder in my life. I wanna break up with my partner and I don’t even care about the child’s reaction. I’m just disgusted with my cruelty.
I was 16 when it first started and I thought I could be a good partner and a stepfather. And a few years ago I admitted I misjudged. And 2 years ago I started to admit that maybe I’m taking the place some better guy could have. One that could give her financial stability and love she desires. I just so much wanted to be her noble knight… but I’m just a loser who couldn’t graduate from one university and had to start again.
The biggest issue is, she’s really attached to me, just obsessed with me. She just falls apart just thinking something can be wrong. I need some confirmation that breaking up is the correct choice, both for my and her happiness.
Friends I spoke to who remember me from the days before the relationship say a big part of me died. They don’t the vigor, the spark, the self-assertion, the crazy, fun person I once was. Even my views on life got more depressing. I’m always described as “a walking depression”